Larry of Arabia

Larry of Arabia

I arrived in Saudi Arabia 50 hours ago and already I dodged a trip to the Big House. Like every other female from the US, I’ve imagined plenty of horrible situations where being with a creepy man could get me hurt and land him in jail, but I’ve never imagined a situation where simply being with a male friend in a grocery store could land us both in jail. So far, the Saudi Arabian culture puzzles me, particularly when it comes to anything relating to men. Part of me hopes to crack their code, and another part knows that trying is useless.

My first encounter with Saudi Arabians was, not surprisingly, at the airport. My nursing company helped supply my first uncomfortable Saudi experience by informing me that an abaya is not necessary for a western woman upon arrival to the Kingdom. True, you don’t need one, but you feel like a self-conscious high school senior who shows up at graduation without their gown. I wore my favorite traveling clothes that seemed appropriate for entering a country with a strict “nothing sexy” dress code. A long sleeve, purple knit shirt and some roomy cargo pants that I found in the young men’s section of Old Navy have served me well on many traveling occasions, so I stuck with those. Nothing sexy going on there, for sure! As we boarded the plane, I noticed a whole bunch of women wearing their abayas. As we exited the plane, I noticed that just one other woman wasn’t wearing an abaya. Turns out, we were both nurses who work for the same company. We did our best to hide and blend in, but we knew we stuck out like streakers at a church picnic.

We approached customs, and met our first herd of what I like to call “Larrys.” They are the adult male Arabians, a modern day Lawrence of Arabia. They’re a variation on a theme, all going for the “twinner” white nightgown/moustache/red head-scarf look, and all staring at the two most colorfully dressed girls in the country. That uncomfortable feeling turned to curiosity when I began staring back. Apparently affection among men here isn’t what it is back in the US. The kissing and hand holding rivaled any Gay Pride, and for a strictly heterosexual kingdom, they sure act openly gay by my definition. Strange beasts, these Larrys.

My next Larry sighting took place at the Hyper Panda Grocery Store. This also begins innocently, but the ending to the Hyper Panda outing could have been a disastrous welcome to the Magic Kingdom. I met a couple guys in my first day of orientation, and we all needed groceries. A group of people went to the Hyper Panda, but we didn’t know all the details so we missed them. Crap. Anyway, my new friend, Badis, knew the way, so the three of us walked together off the compound into the big scary world where testosterone overflows from every driver, sidewalks are sketchy at best, and occasionally a concrete barricade protects the pedestrian from the eight lanes of 70 mph SUV’s.

When we got to Hyper Panda, the other guy had to take care of cell phone related business. Badis and I shared a grocery cart, dumping in lentils and pita bread while the store closed down for a prayer. We bumped into some other people from our orientation, and the lady who chaperoned the excursion asked us if we were a married couple. Nope! Not even close. Not now, not ever. He’s a nice guy, but we mostly just wanted a friend to go grocery shopping with on our first day here. The lady told us that we needed to stay far apart from each other. Uh, that was kinda hard since we were sharing a cart, but we were almost done. I grabbed a hair comb down one aisle while he got some tomato paste down another, then met up at the cash register where we split up our groceries. I think I went to the Men Only cash register, but I didn’t notice until I realized that the four people behind us were all men, and all the women were in another line. I automatically head for the shortest line at the grocery store, but I guess it’s like bathrooms where the men always walk right in and the women usually wait.

Badis and I waited outside for the rest of the group, who were going back in a compound bus. We had no idea where to meet them, so we just hung out in front of the store. We got stared at by everyone whose eyes weren‘t covered by a veil, and I’m sure those ladies probably stared at us more than anyone else. As I checked out all the Larrys checking out
Badis and me, I couldn’t help but wonder what the big deal was about us sharing a grocery cart. Obviously we completed an essential task in a public place with as little combined effort as possible that involved no physical contact, so why did that chaperone freak out? If the Hyper Panda would have been a date, it wasn’t guaranteed to end in fireworks.

We finally saw the others and loaded onto the bus. The chaperone told me that I should never, ever do that again. We could have been thrown in jail by the Religious Police. She told me that I could be charged with prostitution for merely being with him. I still haven’t figured out which grocery store aisle would promote public copulation but, given that it’s an alcohol-free country, my best guess is near the chocolate section. I’m sure even a simple grocery store run could turn into a heated passion, given the right circumstances. I went to sleep last night wondering why the Larrys would impose such tight restrictions, but I‘m in their country, living by their stringent sexual code of ethics.

Like I said, those Larrys puzzle me. I don’t get them. I don’t know if I ever will, but I’ve got a year to find out.